2018

This post is a little late. Okay, this post is a lot late. A few years ago, I started a 365 photo project where I take a snapshot of hubby and me on all the days that we're together (and I don't forget). Here's how I did in 2018! There were no photos during that week in August when I was at Grail Spring with one of my good friends, or during those 10 days in December when I was at the silent meditation course. I love how these photos come together but it is rather time consuming to create these little calendars. I'll be working on 2019 very soon (hopefully, it won't be as late as this one) but I'm going to revisit how I compile these photos in 2020... which is mere months away!! I better get thinking on my goals. Have a great weekend! :)

A Shift in Focus

I've been off for five months now, and I've blogged daily throughout my entire journey thus far. As I was preparing to leave my full-time job, I decided to blog every day for a few reasons: to create daily content, to practice my writing, to keep my mind active, to foster an environment for creativity, and to experiment with topics in an attempt to find one that strongly resonated with me. Something that sparked joy. Something that could stand the test of time.

You see, I've always been a bit of a dabbler. I have a lot of interests, but I have a hard time committing to one or even just a few. Every time I became seemingly obsessed with a topic, I would pivot. This blog started as a fashion blog, then it became a beauty box blog, then it became a general beauty blog, then it became a catch-all blog, then I took a break from blogging. My YouTube content went though similar phases.

Perhaps I have trouble taking myself seriously enough to become an expert. Perhaps I just get bored easily.

Part of me still wants to try lots of new things, but I also want to focus on a topic that matters to me. Starting today, I'll be embarking on a few new projects that will take up a bit more time. I've thought about this blog a lot, and about my other passion projects, and I have to slow down on some things to make room for new ideas. This will be the last day of daily blogging at this URL; however, I'll be launching something very soon, so please stay tuned. In the meantime, I'll continue posting here periodically, just not every day. I'll also be continuing to post 2-3 videos per week on my YouTube channel, so I hope to see you there as well! x

Annual Family Portrait

The holiday season has officially come to a close. It was a fun and busy one this year! We spent a lot of time with family and friends, and the exhaustion from all the late nights is starting to set in. Today's post is going to be a short one, as I'm going to try to get some much needed rest. This year, hubby and I spent New Year's Eve with our family. We chatted and played games until the wee hours. When we got home, we rounded up Truffle and Lulu for our annual family portrait. I love this tradition! Happy new year, from our family to yours. :)

The Holidays

It's been an amazing holiday season. Since coming back from the silent meditation course, I've been lucky enough to spend time with some of my favourite people on the planet, pretty much on a daily basis. Tonight, hubby and I spent an inordinate amount of time catching up with friends at King Taps. We chatted about everything under the sun, and the hours flew by. Afterward, we headed to our friends' hotel for a nightcap--we were treated to some delicious whisky and a beautiful view of Nathan Phillips Square. It was the perfect day.

Photo-a-Day

My annual goals have historically included a photo-a-day project of hubby and me. I decided to make this a goal a number of years ago, because I was finding that we weren't taking many photos together once we became serious camera enthusiasts. We were still taking tons of photos, but the images were typically of (or for) other people. We started devaluing the casual selfies from our phones and point-and-shoot cameras, preferring the perfectly exposed images from our DSLRs. I started the photo-a-day project in 2012, and it's been consistently on my goals list each year since. Eventually, the daily selfie became so entrenched in our routine that I felt comfortable taking it off my list of 2017 goals. That didn't mean we stopped though! I'm a little behind, but here are the photos we took together in 2017.

Silent Scream (of Joy)

It's been a roller coaster ride for the past ten days, but the silent meditation course ended up being incredibly valuable and rewarding. I'm ecstatic to be back at home with hubby, Truffle, and Lulu. I'll be posting in detail about my experience very soon. Hope you're all doing great. :)

(Note: photo by Irina Fortey Photography)

Dear Future Me

The future is a funny thing. There is so much uncertainty, and it can cause so much anxiety. But once you learn to trust yourself, to surround yourself with people you love, and to be fully present, the anxiety starts to fade away. The uncertainty becomes much more bearable, exciting even, because you appreciate each moment as it happens, and the people around you just as they are.

My dear friend and I got together today for a long chat, and we took the opportunity to write another letter to our future selves. We wrote our first letter at Grail Springs last August, and we decided to open that letter in August 2019. We decided to open today's letter in five years, in November 2023, to allow some more time for our current selves to develop into our future selves. Who will we be in 5 years? What will we be like? What will we be doing?

The funny thing about the future is that it will always be mysterious and unknown, no matter how much you think about it. I tend to overanalyse but I'm trying to trust my gut more, and I think it's working as I no longer stress out about making decisions. I'm excited to see what happens in five years, but that certainly won't distract me from enjoying each day until I get there.

Sister Bonding Time

I can count on one hand the number of times my youngest sister and I have been alone together. More specifically, I can count the number of times on two fingers. The first was around a decade ago, when I brought her to Take Our Kids to Work Day, less than a month before I switched to a new job. The second was this weekend, when we spent several stomach-bursting-definitely-not-eat-at-home-challenge hours together, the night before her convocation ceremony. I wasn't sure what to expect during our sister bonding adventure, but the hours flew by, and I had so much fun! In the past 24 hours, I discovered even more what an incredibly smart, hardworking, funny, open, generous, and kind person she is. Also, I can't believe my littlest sister is so much taller than me now.

Following tradition with us three girls at convocation, we had to take some requisite jumping photos! Here's a little flashback to 2014 with both my beautiful sisters.

Today's jumps didn't work out so well, but the new grad sure looks good in this one. That jump is impressive especially considering her high heels!

I ended up being straight-legged in pretty much all our jumping photos. I swear I made an effort. Too bad this photo didn't turn out, but it's proof I can still bend my legs. Congratulations on your shiny new master's degree, littlest sis! Our whole family is so very proud of you. x

To Job or Not To Job

I did a strange thing today. I applied for a job. Not a fun one either. Nope, I applied for a full-time office job. A nine-to-five.

Finding a new job has not been on my radar; however, I met up with a former coworker (and friend) for lunch today, and she told me about a job I might like at her sister's organization. I took a look out of curiosity, texted my friend, and decided to apply. I'm not sure if I applied out of fear of not working, or because I was bored, or because I needed to feel like I was doing something productive, but I went through the motions of uploading my cover letter and resume. On the application, I entered a desired start date in 2019, as I figured 2020 might look silly. I'm not ready to go back to work, but I figured I might not get it anyway. If I do, I can decide what to do later.

That was about 45 minutes ago, and I feel a bit weird now. Almost like I betrayed myself, because maybe I did.

All the evidence points to me having another moment of fear today. The negative self-talk got through, and I feared never being able to get a job again. I feared being unhireable. Because who cares that I don't want to work right now. It scares me that no one would want me.

Dang you, fear!! I'm shaking my fist at you.

Cold Prevention Mode

I've been in cold prevention mode since last Friday, when hubby first showed signs of feeling under the weather. What we thought was a small case of the sniffles turned into full-on energy-zapping bronchitis, and hubby's had to stay home from work for the past couple of days. Fortunately, he is starting to feel better! I've gotten off easy so far (knock on wood) with only a bit of a sore throat yesterday and a scratchy throat today. Here's what I've been doing to battle the germs:

Gargle with salt water. My former coworker swears by gargling with warm salt water at the first sign of a sore throat. I tried it yesterday morning as soon as I woke up, and it seemed to help! I diluted 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and 1 teaspoon of salt in about a cup of warm water. I took little sips and gargled multiple times until I was done the entire cup. Gargling with this solution brought out all kinds of phlegm I didn't even realize I had.

Drink lots of fluids. I don't drink coffee or black tea when I think I may be getting sick. Instead, I drink green tea in the morning, and then I load up on herbal infusions for the rest of the day. I've been loving steeped ginger with honey and lemon lately, but I typically rotate through different types of herbal infusions. I also drink a lot of water. On a typical day when I'm feeling healthy, I drink 8-10 cups of fluids per day. In cold prevention mode, I drink around double that.

Get plenty of rest. I'm horizontal a lot when I feel like I'm getting sick. I stay home as much as I can (when I was working full-time, I would take a sick day as soon as I thought I was getting sick, which allowed me to heal up more quickly and minimize my number of sick days), I try to get at least 8 hours of sleep, and I nap whenever I feel sleepy. If I don't feel sleepy, I'll often just lie in bed and read a book or play a game on my phone.

Do some form of mild exercise (but only in the morning). My energy levels are usually highest when I first wake up, so if I want get something done during the day, I need to do it in the morning. I've been trying to take at least 10,000 steps every day during my gap year, and I've been successful so far. Even though I've felt a bit sluggish for the past couple of days, I tend to get progressively more tired in the afternoon and evening, so I know I need to get the majority my steps in the morning.

Eat a lot of food. I'm probably in the minority with this one, but I eat A LOT when I'm sick. My appetite is voracious, and I'm not strict about how much or what I eat. Anything goes when I'm feeling under the weather. I used to eat a lot of junk, but I've been healthier since I left my job, so I've been eating loads of nutritious food lately. We've had a lot of leftover turkey, and I made turkey noodle soup in the Instant Pot yesterday.

Stay comfortably warm. I get cold easily when I'm feeling under the weather, so I'll typically throw on a cardigan or snuggle up under the covers. If I start sneezing or sniffling, I immediately cozy up with something warm.

What do you do to prevent colds? Do you have any go-to home remedies if you do get sick?

40 of 40

It's official... I'm near the end of my Invisalign treatment! My treatment plan included 40 sets of aligners (each set worn for two to three weeks), and I can't believe I'm on 40 of 40 already. I switched to my last set of Invisalign aligners this week and went to see my orthodontist today. She took the buttons off my back teeth, and I will have a follow up appointment in December. At that time, she'll take the buttons off my front teeth, and we'll put a plan in place to transition from my last set of aligners to my retainer, which I'll need to wear overnight indefinitely. Overall, the treatment plan was very easy and relatively painless... but I'm happy I'm almost done. :)

Three Changes I've Noticed Since Quitting My Job

It has been a month since I left full-time employment, and I've noticed some changes. I provided an overview in this YouTube video, but I also wanted to go into a little more detail in this blog post.



1) I have a lot more energy.

When I was working full-time, I was always exhausted. It got to the point that I was tired pretty much right when I got home, and I could barely keep my eyes open after dinner. I had no creative energy, but I still wanted to post YouTube videos, so I would take the lazy way out and film what was easiest for me, like empties videos or vlogs. I had a lot of other videos I wanted to film (bags I sold and why, finances, etc.), but I just didn't have the mental energy to think through the message.

Besides my lack of creativity, my low energy levels also meant I didn't want to go out very much. I was strict about going out only 2 or 3 days during the work week and only 1 day on the weekend. I didn't like to make stops or detours on my way home, because I felt like I had to rush home to cook dinner. The weeks became very monotonous and routine. I felt like I was living my life on repeat.

Now that I have a lot more time and space to explore life's possibilities, I have so much energy. I am always creating or thinking about creating. I'm constantly jotting down ideas or notes for future videos, blog posts, or projects. I have the energy to go out with friends, experiment with different recipes, and watch a late night film with hubby. I have the energy to stay up late, because my mind is racing with fun ideas. Each day is different, but equally special.

2) I feel happier and lighter.

The amount of stress I felt at work was impacting my physical and mental health. I didn't talk about this in a lot of detail in the video, but I was experiencing shooting pains up my arms, pressure in my chest, and light-headedness. On a few occasions, I would be talking to coworkers, and I would feel like I was about to faint. My mental health and personality suffered as well. I was highly irritable, impatient, short-tempered, and anxious.

It got to the point where I would have a drink almost every night. I reasoned that it was only a glass of wine or half a beer, but drinking so frequently was uncharacteristic of me. It seems obvious now, but at the time, I didn't realize it was related to my stress levels. I didn't try to drink less when I left work, but it naturally followed the lack of stress. I only have a drink 2 to 3 times a week now (sometimes even less!).

Now that I am no longer experiencing such high levels of stress, I feel so much happier and lighter. I don't want to make it seem like I'm happy all the time as I still go through ups and downs, but the general level of happiness is significantly higher. I smile and laugh more, I sing and dance more, I'm sillier, and I'm more easygoing.

3) I feel like I can be more authentically me.

I don't think I explained this concept very well in the video, so I'm going to try again here. I've always felt like I couldn't be myself at work. Perhaps this was due to my own insecurities or fear of being judged, but I've always felt like I had to be a different person at work. I've always felt torn between my work life and my personal life. This was very difficult for me, as I have always prided myself on marching to the beat of my own drum. Not being true to myself caused all sorts of problems. I gradually became less confident in myself and my decisions. I gradually became increasingly hard on myself. I gradually started feeling a lot of self-loathing.

Now that I no longer feel like I am living a double life, I feel much more like myself. This positive change has manifested itself in a lot of different ways. Leaving a stable and well-paying job is very much against societal norms, and I regained so much confidence in myself when I made this decision. I am proud of myself for making this decision. I've noticed that I'm more flexible, more independent, and more selective with how I spend my time. I no longer want to plan very many things in advance. I prefer instead to go with the flow, roll with the punches, and see what life will bring. I'm starting to believe in myself again, I'm starting to trust myself again, and I'm starting to be kind to myself again.

***

If you had told me a month ago that I would have noticed all these changes, I may have believed you, but I wouldn't have understood how drastically different I would feel. I feel like a new person. I know it's still early in the transition, and as House Stark says, "Winter is Coming," but I want to thank you all for being supportive and for your kindness over the past month. I will continue to keep you updated on this journey.

When I started blogging every day, I really only committed for a month, because I wanted an "out" in case I got tired of it, but I've been enjoying this creative outlet so much that I will keep up with daily content for at least another month. I would like to focus on financial content in October, not only because I have a few requests, but also because I want to reassess my own investments. Please stay tuned for lots of financial content coming both on my YouTube channel and on this blog!

Trouble Sleeping

Last night, I went to a superfoods talk, which was located around a 45-minute walk from home. On my way back, as I stood at the corner of an intersection waiting for the light to change, I heard a huge crash. I looked up from my phone and saw that two vehicles had collided. It happened on the opposite side of the street, so I looked carefully at the cars and the bystanders, and tried to assess the situation. Nobody moved for what felt like an eternity. Oh no, why isn't anybody moving?

I called 911, reported the accident, went over to the scene, and relayed instructions from the dispatcher. By this time, one of the drivers had gotten out of his car, and bystanders were assisting the other driver. This was a busy intersection in downtown Toronto, and fortunately, it looked like there were no serious injuries. Once I heard the ambulance arrive, I continued my walk home, told hubby what happened, and went on with the rest of my evening. At the time, I didn’t think the incident affected me very much, but perhaps it did.

For the first time in almost a month, I found it difficult to fall asleep.
For the first time in almost a month, I woke up in the middle of the night and lay awake for over an hour.

Yesterday was a sobering reminder that life can change in the blink of an eye. It’s so easy these days to be too busy and too distracted. I want to remind myself that it's important to look around, be aware of my surroundings, be kind to loved ones, and be patient with strangers. Let's not be so busy and so distracted.

Having lived in a big city pretty much my whole life, I’ve seen a lot of things I don’t share widely. These are stories I keep within me. I'm sure you have stories like this. Stories you start to share, but it doesn’t feel good, and it doesn’t feel right, so you stop. I wasn’t planning to share this today, but I’m trying to talk more about the difficult things, the dark things, the things that don’t make me happy.

It's tempting to paint a picture of a happy life on social media, because I want to be a source of happy inspiration. But I'm also trying to remember that sharing what makes us human is what makes us human. I'll share happy stuff tomorrow.

Stay safe, my friends. x

The Week of the 20th

This is my 4th week of not working, and I've adjusted rather nicely to my new routine. I've been going out to enjoy the city almost every day, and I haven't really felt the impact on my wallet. I've come across a multitude of places offering inexpensive, or even complimentary, food, merchandise, workshops, and experiences. As I was planning for life after my nine-to-five, I thought I would really miss my regular paycheque, but I haven't really noticed it... until today.

The week of the 20th is when I pay all my bills. A few years ago, I would write separate dates in my agenda and pay each bill as it became due; however, this process broke down from time to time, which made me feel anxious about missing a payment. I decided to review all my recurring bills to figure out the best time in each month to pay them all at once, and I found that the week of the 20th was the ideal time for me. My agenda is set up with weekly to-do lists (which I referenced in this post), and when I see the reminder on the week of the 20th, I pay all my bills in a single session. It was a lot more efficient to batch the process, and it has worked out great.

This was the first "week of the 20th" since I left my job. When I paid my bills today, I felt a pang of anxiety. I knew it was irrational, because I have money saved up and my bills are a lot lower than they once were, but the fear was still there. As I went through the motions of checking my credit card expenses against my finances spreadsheet and reconciling each account, my fear mounted. Then I noticed a couple pending transactions on one of my credit cards, and my fear spiked. When did I use this card? What did I spend money on? How could I have been so stupid to leave my full-time job?



Another pending transaction came in as I was doing my monthly reconciliation, and suddenly the fear went away. The light went on. Someone was making unauthorized transactions on my card right before my eyes! I was annoyed at the thief, but also thankful, because this discovery snapped me back to the present and propelled me to action, instead of continuing with the downward spiral of self-doubt. I called the credit card company and another transaction was attempted when we were on the phone. As we spoke and dealt with the issue, my confidence and rational mind came back. Fear quashed. I know my fear will surface again at some point, but I also know I need to learn to trust myself more.

Current Mood

I'm feeling rather uninspired. I'm in good spirits, but I don't have much to say. I guess you could say I'm feeling creatively lazy. This is my first creative lull since I started blogging daily, and I'm sure it won't be my last.

It was a beautiful day today. I met my bestie for lunch. I took a long walk. Hubby and I had a healthy dinner (I made sous vide steak with salad). I'm planning to curl up with my book and relax for the rest of the evening. Enjoy the rest of your night, and I will see you again tomorrow!

Garden Bounty

If you follow my YouTube channel, you'll likely know that my friend and I took a rejuvenating one-week getaway to Grail Springs in mid-August. After a week of eating delicious, plant-based dishes, I was determined to incorporate more vegetables and fruit into my daily meals. I had planned to go to farmers' markets to check out the selection of in-season produce; however, that plan has since been put on hold, because my lovely friends with vegetable gardens have been generously sharing their bounties with me.

One of my good friends has given me kale twice - I like sauteing it with some onion and garlic in a little bit of butter. Even my meat-obsessed hubby commented on how delicious it is. My other good friend recently gave me a nice variety of garden fresh tomatoes. I used to dislike the taste of raw tomatoes, but that's because grocery store bought tomatoes leave a lot to be desired. On the other hand, the tomatoes from my friend's garden are packed with fresh, delicious, ripe, tomato-y flavour. Hubby and I have already enjoyed a good number of them in both salads and various cooked dishes.

Here's a little sampling the recent goodies... not only beautiful to photograph, but also delicious to eat and nourishing for the body.

Moment of Fear

Yesterday was a good day. I was productive, the weather was lovely, and I met up with a close friend. We went to an event for Toronto Fashion Week, and my friend gave me a little mason jar of homemade strawberry compote. After we parted ways, I walked home, chatted with hubby, played with Truffle and Lulu, ate leftovers for dinner, and settled in for the evening. I parked myself in front of my computer as I do almost every evening. I surfed the Internet and responded to some emails.

Suddenly, without any warning, there it was. The moment I had been dreading for the last two months. Thoughts started racing through my head. Doubt, anxiety, fear. I sat with it for a while, and continued my screen time, but the feeling didn't go away. Doubt, anxiety, fear.

I turned off my computer, sat beside hubby, and read my book. Lulu crawled onto my lap. Truffle watched me silently. The feeling ebbed somewhat, but it was still there. By this time, it was pretty late in the evening, and I was tired. I remembered that I get a little loopy when I'm tired. I get argumentative, whiny, and sad. I sweat the small stuff. I blow things out of proportion. So I went to bed.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like my normal self again. The moment of fear was a distant memory, and I couldn't remember exactly what it was or how it felt. I made coffee for hubby and tea for me. I remembered I had made overnight oats two nights ago. I remembered my friend's strawberry compote. My friend had warned me several times that it was really really sweet. I heated up our overnight oats, and topped each bowl with sliced banana, a spoonful of hemp hearts, a sprinkling of lavender, and a big dollop of strawberry compote. It was sweet indeed, perfectly sweet.

The Best Kind of Ordinary

Labour Day Monday.
For some, the day before the first day of school.
For others, the day before heading back to work after a long weekend.
For me, the day before I start testing out my new routine.

Even though my last day of work was last Thursday, this Labour Day long weekend hasn't felt much different. I don't have the stress of going back to the office tomorrow (which is definitely nice), but I haven't had a chance to be bored either (which also happens to be nice). Today was the best kind of ordinary. Hubby and I spent lots of time together. We cooked. We cleaned. We talked. We laughed. We walked around. And we took lots of photos.

We haven't done this for a number of years, but sitting on the grass at the Toronto Waterfront, and taking photos of the air show is one of my favourite memories. The sound of the air show feels nostalgic to me, foreshadowing the shorter days and cooler weather that inevitably come with autumn, and evoking seemingly paradoxical emotions of apprehension and excitement. As we stepped outside, huge storm clouds threatened overhead, and the air show was temporarily halted for safety reasons. We still made our way to Harbourfront, and after waiting a while, we saw planes fly by in tight formation.


I brought my travel DSLR equipped with the kit lens and was pretty happy with the images I captured of various formations. The sky was delightfully dramatic and I was particularly excited to see this next drawing. ❤



Then I saw hubby's photos. I should have known hubby meant business when I saw him with his semi-serious DSLR body and our super-serious lens. Some of his photos are so sharp that when I enlarge them, I can see the number and Canadian flag on the tails of the Snowbirds.










When looking at this little collection of images, perhaps you noticed that hubby's style of photography is very different from mine. His photos usually convey a beautifully dark moodiness, whereas I'm all about bright images. I find our different perspectives fascinating. It's one of the many ways we learn from and complement each other, and it makes ordinary days feel extraordinary.