Finding a new job has not been on my radar; however, I met up with a former coworker (and friend) for lunch today, and she told me about a job I might like at her sister's organization. I took a look out of curiosity, texted my friend, and decided to apply. I'm not sure if I applied out of fear of not working, or because I was bored, or because I needed to feel like I was doing something productive, but I went through the motions of uploading my cover letter and resume. On the application, I entered a desired start date in 2019, as I figured 2020 might look silly. I'm not ready to go back to work, but I figured I might not get it anyway. If I do, I can decide what to do later.
That was about 45 minutes ago, and I feel a bit weird now. Almost like I betrayed myself, because maybe I did.
All the evidence points to me having another moment of fear today. The negative self-talk got through, and I feared never being able to get a job again. I feared being unhireable. Because who cares that I don't want to work right now. It scares me that no one would want me.
Dang you, fear!! I'm shaking my fist at you.
